The Constant Dilema with Myself

 Why? I sit here typing this feeling like I've could have done more. I feel trapped in the work world and don't know how to get out. 

How did it get to this point? I had dreams of being an hybrid small business owner / worker for a school district but that hasn't worked out so far. 

I have questioned everything that has been said about the rat race. I don't want to be part of it if I just get clawed back from disability. Other provinces don't do that to that extent. If anything, I can decrease the days I see rain. British Columbia is just not working out. 

The only reason I would stay is for real estate growth but I feel cornered into a work schedule that doesn't suit me. 

Today, I really want to know where I'll be in 10 years. I have a really hard time enjoying the present. I'm stoked for the NBA and NHL playoffs. That generally can fill my day from 4pm to 10 pm Pacific Time but some days feel like I'm wasting my one and only life. Feeling like I'm working for others and not because I want to. 

Today, I got off to a slow start and didn't get to Tim Hortons until 11am. Had a bite to eat and wondered over to the Library where I am. 

The funny part is I miss my life from 2015-2018 yet I was dying to get out of that chapter in 2018 because I felt too tied down because I was living in a set up that I didn't choose. Now, I'm dying to get out of my current pattern because I work everyday yet that's the best alternative given PWD's rules in BC. 

I've went too far to the other side and now I need to meet somewhere in the middle. In order for that to happen, I need to be back on the on-call list but that won't happen according to HR. The other option is to move and redesign my schedule. 

But yet, lots of people would love to be in my boat. I have a hard time understanding that but it does give me hope. 

Yet, I do know that if I do stay I'll probably be in great shape entering the 2030's but haven't been able to grasp onto that concept yet. 

   

Marlins 2 Mets 1 - March 31st

 

Final	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R	H	E
Mets	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	4	0
Marlins	0	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	x	2	10	0

For the second constitutive day the Mets got good pitching from their starter. David Peterson was the tough luck loser going five innings and was a victim of no run support. 

Despite being two games in the Mets offense seems sleepy. They haven't had the scoring threats that you would expect from a 101 win team. They have only mustard 12 hits from 18 innings. 

I apologize for not spell checking my previous entry. I work seven days a week and I do this on the side. In fact, before Thursday I hadn't written since August. 

I have high hopes for the Mets. They will not win every game and lets wait for at least 10 games until we call this team trash. Last year showed us how crucial it is to win the division. If anything, the first two games has shown us that the Marlins might win their share of games this year. 

I'm going be putting my personal spin on these games over the course of the season to try to bottle up memories from this season.