June 27th, 2016

Over the last few days, I have been thinking a lot. I tend to think I have a good life despite having Cerebal Palsy.

Sometimes I ask myself why god allowed me to have a disability? The easiest answer comes to me with a "because god knew I would be a perfect fit or god knew I could handle it. " But honestly, what did that really mean?

Growing up, I was always a big sports fan. Watching sports, playing them and of course talking about them. As I got older and cuts begin happening on sports teams, it wasn't always easy. Sometimes I got mad at God for wanting me to have a disability. Other times I would just pray to god and say sorry for getting mad at him and ask him for a best friend to come into my life or to be able to make the cut of a sports team.

This all happened around Grade 4-7. I was still young really and had no real idea what to compare it to. I had a lot of friends, but no one extremely close.

As the older grades approached, it seemed that people were deciding to pick only a few friends to hangout with but more often. I was getting to feel a bit more left out. Wearing Leg Braces to school was getting more uncomfortable by the day. Despite meeting new friends, I still felt like I was being left out of after school hangout groups.

At this point in High school, Grade 9-12, the only thing I was hanging on to was my involvement with the Basketball team. After the season ended, I usually sat alone at lunch as the team bonding part had ended. I was still well liked, but hanging out with friends after school didn't happen as much as other classmates seemed to hangout much more.

Whenever I ask people to hangout, it was usually a "maybe next week". I was always satisfied by that answer and would just look forward to next week. The problem was that "next week" never came. It was always next week.

Then I kept wondering why God would put me in an awkward position. Looking back on it, I think it was all just part of God's plan. I had three really good teachers that loved talking sports with me after class. That was pretty awesome! Despite, not being on the basketball team as a stats keeper in Grade 12, I got plugged into the High School Football team. Since than, I have been on the team and consistently attend as many practices and games as I can. Again, I do believe this was God's plan. He wanted me to experience High School football forever instead of a solid friends group.

To cap it off, I was on the Golf team at my high school. Again, another prayer answered. The lesson in all of this was, God doesn't answer prayers instantly. You have to have patience. 

More importantly, in Grade 12 I was only at my high school half the time. In the other half, I went to an Elementary School for Work Experience and totally loved it. I always felt included. Yes, I think this was totally God's plan to give me something to look forward to in Grade 12. Therefore, I should be so grateful.

Things changed after high school, hung out more but still saw them less. Going to Kamloops for University was an experience to say the least. Made some great friends  and also became a stronger christian. More importantly, a few high school friends drifted apart, in contrast, I got closer to a few friends that graduated high school a year or two after me. In the end, I just know God was looking out for me through all of the bumps in high school. There was still the fair share of amazing memories as well.  

Over the last few years, I got connected with a couple of amazing Christian girls.  At first, they were just friends of friends, but overtime we met a couple of years ago and I also reunited with them a couple of weeks ago. I'm blessed to have all three of them in my life. It sucks being far away from them but I feel their christian love for me a thousand of miles away. Sometimes, I wish I grew up near them so I would have met them sooner, however, I just have trust god he put me in the right place to succeed and brought the right people  into my life. At the end of the day, we need to follow God's will. He is #1.